i guess i'm not worthy of an explanation.. i shouldnt even feel like this cause i'm already used to shit like this happening to me.
and mayraa's leaving me in the near future.
what will i do?
:(
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
guys like you make us look bad
idont see why ifind myself angry at tha world for no reason.
lik this, i wish icould just do wat iwanna do! that should be easy.
but idont? stupid right? yes ikno. but ifeel lik there's always somethin in tha way.
when iread stuff that inspires me, it makes me question myself.
iknow im capable of doing many many things.
but ialways seem to stop myself.
ifeel lik ikno wat iwanna do.
but how will ido it?
.
..
?
lik this, i wish icould just do wat iwanna do! that should be easy.
but idont? stupid right? yes ikno. but ifeel lik there's always somethin in tha way.
when iread stuff that inspires me, it makes me question myself.
iknow im capable of doing many many things.
but ialways seem to stop myself.
ifeel lik ikno wat iwanna do.
but how will ido it?
.
..
?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
dance with the devil
mann that dance with the devil by immortal technique is fuckin badddddddddddd!
real shit tho. gotta listen carefully.
real shit tho. gotta listen carefully.
Monday, March 1, 2010
11:11
damn. imiss himmmm.
ireally do.
but ican tell things are far from the same with us.
listening to these damn songs make me think of him.
ikno ishould change it, but sometimes it feels good to go back and think of the memories.
ahh im so lame. ihave nothing better to do.
but idk. there's not much ican do. itried to push him off and that just made him try harder.
and now that igave in, he's not trying anymore. gahhhhh..
why does it gotta be lik that? idunno... ireeeeallyyy dont.
which sucks. iwish ihad all the answers,but idont.
ihavent talked to him in lik a weeeek.. and ifeel soo bad bec inever told him happy birthday.
does that make me a bad friend? lol iguess it was bec he said he'd text me, but he never did.
so that kinda gave me a hint. last time we talked he was actin shady anywayss... and idont need that... but dammit! now he's got me wantin to try it again.. but icant.
dammit. he seems to be the only thing on my mind lately!!
-_- urrrggghhh... damn ieven looked happy.. this is wayy old lol
but the past is the past.....time to let goooo.
"The only time that you go back to wrong places and wrong people is when you feel weak and discouraged, BE STRONG!"
o Lord gimme tha strength!! lmao foreel tho. lol
ireally do.
but ican tell things are far from the same with us.
listening to these damn songs make me think of him.
ikno ishould change it, but sometimes it feels good to go back and think of the memories.
ahh im so lame. ihave nothing better to do.
but idk. there's not much ican do. itried to push him off and that just made him try harder.
and now that igave in, he's not trying anymore. gahhhhh..
why does it gotta be lik that? idunno... ireeeeallyyy dont.
which sucks. iwish ihad all the answers,but idont.
ihavent talked to him in lik a weeeek.. and ifeel soo bad bec inever told him happy birthday.
does that make me a bad friend? lol iguess it was bec he said he'd text me, but he never did.
so that kinda gave me a hint. last time we talked he was actin shady anywayss... and idont need that... but dammit! now he's got me wantin to try it again.. but icant.
dammit. he seems to be the only thing on my mind lately!!
-_- urrrggghhh... damn ieven looked happy.. this is wayy old lol
but the past is the past.....time to let goooo.
"The only time that you go back to wrong places and wrong people is when you feel weak and discouraged, BE STRONG!"
o Lord gimme tha strength!! lmao foreel tho. lol
Sunday, February 28, 2010
10:54 pm
im usually in bed by now. but icant sleeep.
somethins on my mind........eeehhh.
actually more than one somethin.
idk theres no point in lying to myself about stuff like this.
saying its gonna be alright when iknow it wont.
when itell myself things will go back to the way they were.
when ikno they wont.
things are changing. and that seems to be thee only thing happening.
its just affecting me personally. and icant say ilike em too much.
changes from lik me getting older to losing friends that ihave.
and ithink thats the worst of all. ive been dissapointed alot lately..
and ihonestly feel iam a good enough friend not to be let down.
but things happen..and im gonna fix it bec ikno iwas at fault for nothing.
thats another thing..always having to be the one to fix the problem that inever caused..
ughldkhgklaj....
idk where im getting at here..
my minds just going crazy.
idont like liking someone. idont like having to worry about someone.
idont lik it. but it seems its gonna happen sooner than later.
but idont want it to.. idont want another dissapointment.
and sadly the one person who ithought was different from the others has proven me wrong.
hes the same. same same same :/
fuck all that.
iguess ill go back to just worrying about me.
somethins on my mind........eeehhh.
actually more than one somethin.
idk theres no point in lying to myself about stuff like this.
saying its gonna be alright when iknow it wont.
when itell myself things will go back to the way they were.
when ikno they wont.
things are changing. and that seems to be thee only thing happening.
its just affecting me personally. and icant say ilike em too much.
changes from lik me getting older to losing friends that ihave.
and ithink thats the worst of all. ive been dissapointed alot lately..
and ihonestly feel iam a good enough friend not to be let down.
but things happen..and im gonna fix it bec ikno iwas at fault for nothing.
thats another thing..always having to be the one to fix the problem that inever caused..
ughldkhgklaj....
idk where im getting at here..
my minds just going crazy.
idont like liking someone. idont like having to worry about someone.
idont lik it. but it seems its gonna happen sooner than later.
but idont want it to.. idont want another dissapointment.
and sadly the one person who ithought was different from the others has proven me wrong.
hes the same. same same same :/
fuck all that.
iguess ill go back to just worrying about me.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
im tryna find the words to say..
ifeel really bad at this point...iguess ive just been hiding things.
ithought icould make myself believe that everything was okay and iwas happy with my life..
iwas starting to believe it, and iDO belive it is HALF true..bec ikno it is half true.
its just all this stuff going on in the family.
it barely got to me. ibarely realized what EXACTLY is going on with him.
the bad things hes doing and the stuff he's putting my family thru.
and IHATE IT!! ihate it soo much.
all the lying and all tha bad things. bec of this one stupid thing. weed.
fuck that. its not worth it. ijust wanna tell him. iwanna let him kno he'll be okay and he doesnt need that shit. iwant things to be okay. ireally do. idont know how much more ican take it. him putting my dad thru all this. ihate seeing my parents both feel helpless. my mom determined to help him and do all she can. but my dads about ready to give up. and ifeel bad for not being able to do anything. but iwant to. iwanna talk to him. iwanna tell him things. that theres more to life than all that shit. ALOT MORE!! and he knows there is. ijust dont know whats going on with him. all the lying has got to stop. he has a family over here that loves him and will always be here. we just wanna help. but what can you do when you wanna help someone who doesnt know if they wanna be helped?.. im just praying. ireally am. he needs a sign something. ihope he comes back ..
"&IKNO ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE THAT NOBODY HAS IT EASY."
ithought icould make myself believe that everything was okay and iwas happy with my life..
iwas starting to believe it, and iDO belive it is HALF true..bec ikno it is half true.
its just all this stuff going on in the family.
it barely got to me. ibarely realized what EXACTLY is going on with him.
the bad things hes doing and the stuff he's putting my family thru.
and IHATE IT!! ihate it soo much.
all the lying and all tha bad things. bec of this one stupid thing. weed.
fuck that. its not worth it. ijust wanna tell him. iwanna let him kno he'll be okay and he doesnt need that shit. iwant things to be okay. ireally do. idont know how much more ican take it. him putting my dad thru all this. ihate seeing my parents both feel helpless. my mom determined to help him and do all she can. but my dads about ready to give up. and ifeel bad for not being able to do anything. but iwant to. iwanna talk to him. iwanna tell him things. that theres more to life than all that shit. ALOT MORE!! and he knows there is. ijust dont know whats going on with him. all the lying has got to stop. he has a family over here that loves him and will always be here. we just wanna help. but what can you do when you wanna help someone who doesnt know if they wanna be helped?.. im just praying. ireally am. he needs a sign something. ihope he comes back ..
"&IKNO ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE THAT NOBODY HAS IT EASY."
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