im tryna find the words to say..

ifeel really bad at this point...iguess ive just been hiding things.
ithought icould make myself believe that everything was okay and iwas happy with my life..
iwas starting to believe it, and iDO belive it is HALF true..bec ikno it is half true.
its just all this stuff going on in the family.
it barely got to me. ibarely realized what EXACTLY is going on with him.
the bad things hes doing and the stuff he's putting my family thru.
and IHATE IT!! ihate it soo much.
all the lying and all tha bad things. bec of this one stupid thing. weed.
fuck that. its not worth it. ijust wanna tell him. iwanna let him kno he'll be okay and he doesnt need that shit. iwant things to be okay. ireally do. idont know how much more ican take it. him putting my dad thru all this. ihate seeing my parents both feel helpless. my mom determined to help him and do all she can. but my dads about ready to give up. and ifeel bad for not being able to do anything. but iwant to. iwanna talk to him. iwanna tell him things. that theres more to life than all that shit. ALOT MORE!! and he knows there is. ijust dont know whats going on with him. all the lying has got to stop. he has a family over here that loves him and will always be here. we just wanna help. but what can you do when you wanna help someone who doesnt know if they wanna be helped?.. im just praying. ireally am. he needs a sign something. ihope he comes back ..

"&IKNO ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE THAT NOBODY HAS IT EASY."

damn mann

idk why but im in a pissy ass mood.
this isnt fun. im tryna be happy but fuck it.
ah juss ready to relieve some stress, the weekend will do it all for mee!
fuck. its all good tho. (:
iguesssssssssss bitchesssssssss......

new years!

woo. new year.new choices.new people!
greatness..

iended my new year a little fucked up..
but its all gravy..things happen for certain reasons.

honestly, im not gonna lie.
iwas sad.icried.than ismiled.
&today my brother gave me one badass speech..
it was true.made me realize a whole lotta stuffs..
idont need no bullshit ass nigga that aint doin anything for me.
bec honestly, thats all that was. LUST! mannn.
but fucck it istarted the new year good.
single. clean plate. not much to worry about..well idid, but igot it all fixed.
there are more guys out there.
ive had cuter.wayyyyyy cuter. lol nicer. loyal!!
and thats wat ineed.someone that'll do somethin for me.
make me happy. never make me wonder wat he's doin.
idont need someone that'll bring me down. fuckk that...
ahh ifeel somewhat relived.(:

-PEACE.<3.&PANDAAA bitchess! lmao

its over

its finally over! 2010 is here.
and im single..lol who woulda knew?
but fugg it tho. shit happens for reasons..
im straight chillinn tonite(:
readyy for tmrw! yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahh.
cirque or wassssup? ha ready for some new hoes.
iknew iwasnt ready for no relationship..
never has been, dont know if iwill be..
but lik sir winston churchill said,
"the farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see."
and thats some real shit right thurrrrrr fiii. lol
yeee

peace.<3.&pandaa.