2009.

icouldnt ask for more (:
some random shit came up. lol
wassup but im down!
tmrw is new years eve!!
im sooooo excited.



this year has been full of emotions!
excitement.sadness.happiness. ahh just everything.
but it was a good year, im not gonna lie.
ihad many experiences and realized more than ihave ever realized in my whole life.
and it was greatness.
imet someone ireally like (:
and ifeel like its actually goin somewhere..
im just ready for this new year, iknow its gonna bring changes.
2010 is my year!
im turning 18! graduating!! moving to dallas finally, and goin to college! wooo..
icant wait :D

2more days(:

come winter <3

Oh ilove this weather!
It just makes the feeling better.
The smile stays on my face.
And never goes away.
Its just something about it that feels so right.
I've never had a doubt in mind.
Love always seems to come around this time.
Don't get me wrong summer love is strong too.
But never as good as winter lovin.

Ohhh come winter<3

Woowhoo. Tmrws dec 1st!!!!
24days tilll christmas (:

hmm...

This weekend was way UNEXPECTED !

In too many ways..good and bad.
Drove too many places and met alota ppl!
Hah imissed crystal soo much! It was funn chillin with her! Gahd imet soo many people! Ha
Ithink I introduced her to maybe 1 person? James!
Lol that was random too. Way random..
Hmm..anywhooo..

I've had a lot on my mind.
Istill do. &thinkin about it all just makes me mad. Bec ioverthink! Tooo much! :/
It even gets to the point where ithink of somethin and ijuss get sick to my stomach.its lik imake mysef sick? idunoo ..?
Im angry at myself for so many things.
But ill get over iguess?

Music makes me feel a little bit better.

Just a little tho.

Peace.<3.:\

-abc.

life

Life

Is.great.long.crazy.mysterious.good.bad.
Suspensful.sad.exciting.depressing.happy.
It's all types of adjectives. Its worth soo much tho. But people tend to take that for granted. Not knowing what their doing. It can be so precious.
Ireally understood that today. Ihave a lot to live for.alota times ihardly even realize it..iwas brought here for a reason.everyone was really. Ijust wish icould understand life better? Idk if that makes sense.. It does but hmm..its sad that u have to go thru something or see something that makes u realize how precious life is.ithank God iwoke up this morning. Every morning. Every moment in life counts. We juss dnt realize it. How many times do ihavta say that? Iguess more than ikno. Ilearned a really good lesson today..im just THANKFUL! So thankFUL to have all that ihave. Iguess that was the point of the day? Its taken me 17yrs to figure this out. How sad is that? ...
Ialways hear ppl say 'fml' really tho?
Some people pray that they will wake up the next day,not knowing if their gonna live.if its an illness or something else..just knowing u might not live one more day..that'd be crazy to even imagine..
Life and death are two things that everyone will eventually go thru. We may not want to witness a loved ones death but it will happen. Ialways thought how it'd be to die. Its something that will just happen. Just all these thoughts that go thru my head about it all..life is not short. Idont understand why people say life is short.
Bec its not at all.
Its the longest thing we will go thru besides eternity. Does that make sense? But im glad for it. Irealized all the things ithink r so important aren't so important after all.like money.or shoes or clothes. Or even this phone.. More like my family and friends. Bec that's all ireally have...until its my time. But for now..im greatful &iguess ijust realized..

Life's just one big emotion that we can never figure out..and never take it for granted.
Bec God could change things for you overnite..


Peace<3(:
-manda.

that's what im here for.

so this break, has been the most random out of all breaks.
well so far. im sure it;ll get more random as tha days pass..but......

seems lik more and more people keep coming to me with their problems,
and iLOVEiT! not saying any names.
but i've gotten 3 random text messages from people that "arent happy"
lol well one of em worded it differently but lets not start on that one. lol
anywho...lately they've all been about relationships.. iwould think i'd be the last person to run to.
lol seeing as icant keep one. but...idk ijust feel like everyone should be happy with life.
with or without someone, and for some people its just hard.
if its not having a bf/gf or having one and just arguing with them all the time.
onet thing i've said to ALL 3 people today is "be patient" gahd D: lol
really tho. that's all it takes, ipromise it'll get you far.
okay now im starting to sound like dr. phil, but ipromise that's not where im tryna go with this.
lol but now is the time when people needa start realizing WHO and WHAT they have.
dont take it for granted! because ipromise you, will day you will regret it.
and when you do realize that you regret it. you will miss it.
and you wont be happy. but lik isaid, time tells all. patience is the virtue :D lol
but ah, life will always have some curvy or bumpy ass roads, or maybe its just your tires that need changing? gahd, ilove me some metaphors! ha, but if you get what iim sayin than you've got a message out of this. lol idoubt anyone reads these but hey, ilove it still.
there's much more to say but no time. lol
ha but one day iwill get paid to counsel people :) doing it for free will still make me love it as much as ialready do, besides the shiny pennies today, this was the last highlight of my day from one of my ..hmm.. wat is the word? patients? lol well this was the highlight :) "okay thanks counselor, i can come free though cause i need this often."


MY PLEASURE (:

get a hold of yourself, you say..

man. this is starting to be aproblem for me. :/
overthinking. gahd. ido it too much.
ithink more when im bored tho?
and ihave no one to talk to or keep me company , ya kno?
bec ikno im not the only one who does that..
gahd. isay that word alot[gahd] ..
but yea. iwish to be happier.
bec im not happy the way iwanna be.
iguess this is how it feels to be lonely?
im being selfish.
my bad. but you just dont know.
gahd. this isnt cute.


peace?

-_-

okay so,,

last night iwas on some random typa shit.
dont ask. bec ireally dont wanna talk about it.

gahd. my dad's gettin on my fuckin nerves!
ireally dont wanna be bothered with right now.
asshole!!!!!!!

sorry..

for being an asshole.
im practically thinking out looud...
none of this will make sense..
ikno you dont know me. and idont know you at all.
we know some of the same few people..
but not litterally ever met or talked ..
but man.. im sorry for judging you and not knowing you.
:/ and ifeel really bad now.
i've been realizing soo much alot lately..
and its sad that ihavta realize it this way.
except thanks to raul, he definately knocked some sense into me...
but man isee wat ihave and im gonna stop taking it for granted.
i've learned my lesson..
real shit's goin on around me in the world,
&im worried about tha dumbest stuff..
but like isaid. im sorry.
ihope you can get thru it..

this makes no sense like isaid.
but gah. istill feel bad.
:/ sorry. forgive me?

just weight

man.
icant believe it.
ireally cant.
that icould be so ignorant.. :/
iwasted so much time. ikno i've said it once before..
but this time ireally realized it! thanks to raul..
gahd :( ithink i'll take Rome's advice..
he said let love come to me. im tired of lookin for it.
and gettin hurt.. how could ilet someone play me for a fool?
really.. thats all it was. just lust.and being used..
asshole. iwanna say ihate you. but iknow idont.
:/ sad thing is, ikept lettin myself believe it was okay.
when it wasnt..at all! but im glad ihave those friends..
the friends that'll let me know whats goin on isnt right..
so thanks raul & adrianna.. those names just look so right together..
lol but anyways.. thanks(:

iluhhyuuguys.<3
thanks for everything.
thanks for bein there even when ididnt wanna listen.
but hopefully you've knocked some sense into me.
dont let me believe somethin ikno isnt right. even when itry to make myself.
gahd, will it eever end tho?


peace<3

gah

Ifeel so down. :(
Maybe its the weather?
Ineed comforting..
Iwish he was with me.
But he's not.
Ineeda stop daydreamin.
Someone talk to me....
Shit. Fugg it. Im off.


Peace?

why cant i?!

Jus tell em how much istill care.&that imiss him?
Oh gahd. This is not fun.
My emotions are under construction. Lol
Until he decides he wants me again..
But im not getting put on hold.
Iwait for no one!
Lik gahh theres other guys nd stuff..but man.
Idk for some reason..istill want him.
Smeone asked a god question yesterday,
'can u love someone too much and it'd be completely impossible for the them to b together?'
Saddd thing is. That's the situation igot myself into..geez. Tie yur sneakers already boy!
Bec im not waiting anymore.

just u n' me

give me your own special smile,
promise you'll never leave mehh.


gah. ilove that song.
lol
iwish ihad a boy with his sneakers tied,
which would make him a man, so yea.. lol
[insider]
but ineed one of those.

no one interesting is on myspace. lame

gah, so isaw somethin a minute ago, that KINDA TRIPPED ME OUT.
gay,.
which doesnt put a smile on my face.
it just makes me think alot.
man iover think wayyyyyyy to much. shit.
not cool.





im feelin quite peachy.
haha.

talk to me people.
iam alive!

-panda.

I wanna be forever young.

oh gahd.

so istill cant figure out why icant be mean to him?!
gahd. idk. he's stupid.
im stupid for letting him do me how he did me.
but hopefully he realizes shit.
suprisingly ihope the best for him.

but ima miss him.
:/

cake.


gahd. and whatshisface is supposedly havin a kid?
:/

shit.


USE A FUCKIN CONDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!


school is so boring.
iwish icould get on twitter.
the fone ihave is not smart at all.
lmao mom needst hurry and give me the other one.
she swears im patient. lol



im ready for my itouch fiiiiiiiiiii :D


oh yess.


iwonder if anyone ever reads this?
&iwonder, if you kno,
what it means,what it means.
&iwonder if you kno.

lol bustin out with kanye's oldschool.
fuck that nigga. lol


im out.
PEACE<3

ahh!

What is up with the blogspot? Seriously?!

man o man

So this weekend... Sadly it wasnt as great as i convinced myself it would be. Which sucks... It's sad how someone can disappoint you so bad... But it's even worse when 2 ppl you care for can disappoint you in the same damn weekend... I'm just glad i'm more aware of things.. Bec if not i'd still be lookin stupid. But gah. Using me? What an ass. You deserve nothing from me. Go on with your ain't shit nigga life!! Bec your really not worth any of my time.. I'm becoming more patient. So i'm just waiting for the right one to come along. But you obviously were nothing close to that..whatever tho. LIFE IS GOOD :)

whoa,

life is great?
:)

shit,,

what did ijust say?!
iknew iwas gonna contradict myself.
:(
how did this smiley face turn into a frown?
ikno how.


man..
things will never go my way.
ikno wats goin on.....
ijust wanna kno one thing?


but iguess fugg it now?


off.

say it!

so as isit here and thinkk all ican picture is you in my head.
damn things are goin so crazy for me. lik a good crazy and bad.
but idk ifeel as if somethings holding me back from what iwant?
but thats kind of impossible.. ah shit. ima bouta start contradicting myself.
anywho.. ilike this dude. but the old one all of a sudden decides to come back?
ah shit. this always seems to happen at the wrong time.
just when things are great... but its all happening for a reason?
iwish ihad some words of wisdom.. hmm... ill take teddys and jusst say
" SHUT UP AMANDA, JUST SHUT UP" lol sounds good.
too bad icant. mann iguess patience is the key to this problem?
mannnn......... iluhhhyuuu(:
ha

omann. iwas goin thru some of my old stuff and ifound this poem iwrote
back in lik 9th grade! some crazyy stuff! ha..
sad thing is iremember sittin there writin it..
stupid raymond. lol but it was pretty thrOwed.
iwish icould still write lik that..
dang.

all ikno is.
iwant you!(:





peace!

no service

so things havent been goin my way so far :/
all the love is gone.
thats all ihave to say.
im trying to deal with all the random bullshit that comes my way.
but its really hard.
ilove my bestfrrinnd tho<3
he made me a little happier yesterday.
ready for the weekend.
off monday.
goin to the fair and hopefully on my date with alex<3 lmao.

this is thrOwed

AHH
so cudi and mgmt nd ratatat have a new song .
its soo thrOweddd.
cudi was good but this is that shit rome was talkin about lol
that comin together, those different genres of music.
ahh iwonder if rey's heard it? hah he was the first person ithought of.
mgmt makes me think of him lol
that one night he had that shit on his fone nd we were chillin hah
funn times. ohh mannn so ahh my fones off right now.
lame. and computers messed up hah but shiiiittt.
ineeda put this shit on my ipod. :]

boringgg summer.

Only 3days till tha weekendd! Less than 2weeks till school! Ahh wathaa?! Crazyy!ima be a sr! Times flyinn! Woooo. So ibeen on myspace all day.its somewhat amusingg. Lol these retarded bitches nd the stuff they write! &tha slutty ass pictures! Im lik wathaahell? Okay put yurself out there. Igot an opinion for everthin gaf! Lol

But yeeaa. So much drama over tha stupidest shit. Honestly, if yu beat tha bitches ass, yu don't have to write it everywhere and tell everyone u won! Lol if u kno yu shouldn't havta tell everyone! &adding 'fighting' songs. Lmmfao! Hah but yea. Tf' is wrong wit everyone?



My ass is bored.

These hoes r ridiculous ! lol

staring at the ceiling

Okay,



So ihave all these badass ideas in my head.

My tio told me he'd take me to look at cars.he told me lik last week?

Well iwas plannin on askinn em about takin me sometime this weekend!

Ahh nd ihad all these crazy ideas,

Well first of all,he's loaded.

So the first thing he asked me was "how much &wat did u want?" ahh iwas lik ohh damn! Well ionly have about $300 rite now.

Phone bills due.

So that's $250.

Than iwanna sell my concert ticket since drakes not performing anymore :(

&ihave a fone iwanna sell!

So that could get me $200 right there!

&that's almost $500. Ibet he'd put tha other $500 down!

Ihave this offer he can't refuse!

Ijust can't wait to talk to em!

Ahh but iget myself so excited &now icant sleep. Dang lol

Idid this the other day! Hah

But hm.. Only God knows.

Im leavin it up to him.

It'll all work out how he wants it to.

:)

under the bridge.

so this was originally an "about me"
but igot carried away, as always.
im gonna sum it up on myspace.
lol its not liik anyone ever reads this anyways.
ijust wanna know that this time in my life.
this is who iwas..

so inever know how to start these things, depending on how good this is, imight turn it into a blog lol amanda is the name. thats all you really need to kno for now. you can call me watever tickle's your pickle. ennis texas is where iwas born and raised. some may call it the country but icall it home. ive been on this earth for 17yrs. ihave big dreams and goals for my future. and iwill accomplish every one of them. cant stop me :] sometimes iwish ididnt try so hard. everyone says be different but its lik everyones trying so hard to be different that their all the same. ive made mistakes, and boy have ilearned from them. ido wat ido for the man above, yes God. :] my family comes right after that. im so thankful that ihave them all here for me. some people dont have that. iwanna say icould care less what people think, but honestly, its a big deal. and theres so many people who swear they dont "give a dam" but we all kno it bugs them. itry to member ido wat ido for a reason and everything happens for a reason. for everything you do theres an outcome. iwas taught to think before you speak and act. and thats what ido, iover think. but its good sometimes. other times its,..not so good. but hmm.. oh yea. ilove music ! lol ilove drake<3 oh, and Ro & Gucci ! and pretty much anything else that ihear, idecided to be a much more open minded person. being shallow wasnt doing me any good. im so excited to be a senior this year! woowhoo class of 2010 ! ahh its goin by so fast. its exciting but also sad at the same time. ilove reading! being grounded so much, you learn to love it lol ilike being able to chill with friends with no worries. thats a pretty great feeling. ilove meeting new people ! so whose down to chill ? ;)

grounded for life..

suckks !

im grounded till forever.
my last summer in high school with no fone or computer.
:/ ihope they dont allow me from seeing drake ahh.
iwill die. or run away. lol
yes iwill.



hmm. ihave nothing left to say except,
10 months left till graduation !!!!!!!!

hmm

So I've decided to push my pride to the side &apologize to my parents.

Mainly bec imiss them &ihate staying in my room All dayy longg.

&going to church helped a lot.



Ireally hope iget ungrounded.

Bec this is getting old.

Ineeda new dude. Lol

Bec these old ones aint fun. Ha



Sadly ihave time to write,

Only bec icame to work 30minutes early lol my bad. But uhmm..



:) ifeel somewhat great,

Even tho im about to be tired than a hO. Its hott outside lol



Out.

so..about this,

Im totally having second thoughts.



Bec ireally don't wanna have high hopes than just get dissapointed.

Idont lik shady people.

Or people that can juss be cool wit me about everything,but when their wit their friends they act so different. Fuck that. It aint even cool.

Don't kno wata do about it.

Plus ibeen thinkin bout tha other one.

Damn.







Ineeda pray.

well

So today.

Has been so far a really FUCKED UP DAY!



My parents are assholes.

Im tired of being bitched at for evry stupid thing. Nd they swear im selfish.

Ishould remind them of that every time they ask me to do somethin for them.

Which is all tha damn time.





One good thing.

Theres one dude that's turning things around for me..

But istill dk bout it..



Fuck this.



Im gone.

my dear blog,

I've learned how to use blogspt on my telefone :)

Yu have no idea how happy this makes mee (:



Im currently at workk on breakk.

Layingg upstairs on the couchh.

Todays went by way fast.

Thankk God!

But im starvingg. Im on a diet.

But no binge diettt. Promise.

Ibrought a sandwiche from home nd it was ehh. Not good..



So ithrew it away nd ihad tangerines nd an oatmeal bar nd water.

Nd that's all I've eatenn.



But im excited about running laterr (:



Funn..



Im outtt.

woweee

Soo my drake ticketss came in the mail todayy :D



Im wayyyy excited!

Ican wait. Its definitely worth it!



&iwent running today &im on diet.

It'll make mee feel somewhat better about myselff.



I've been stressin wayy too much &it aint cool.

&obviously its not worth it.



But ehh.

Things haven't been goin my wayy.

But iwanna go to church.

Ifeel lik things will definitely turn around.

I've been prayin about things lately.

It helps alott..

:)





Mann. Istill miss em tho.

Ihope he realizes all the bad things he's doin &when he gets caught up he'l member iwas tha one there always getting on his ass for it..



But anywhoo..he juss needs prayer..





So that's wat im finna doo..



So nighty night.

no nuggets?

no nuggests Video by Boy - MySpace Video

Shared via AddThis

drake ticketss

ARE OFFICIALLY ORDERED !

ahh me and cindyy will be there!
the day before school starts :]



forget everything else.
this is the one thing im glad to look forward to !

unexpected.

G. , the collect callers hb called.
ahh. weird.
he was a good person to conversate with.
im juss having fun?
but it is a little weird.
but ehh. o well.
it iss summer !
:D

dear blog,

iamm unstoppable.
:]

but eh anywhoo.
lastnight ifelt miserable.
&not that sick miserable.
but that miserable to where ifelt lik a fuckin retard.
lik stupid &hurt.thats how ifelt.
sad to say a mufuker can make me feel that way..

but ehh.
irealized everything happens for a reason &ihave to remind myself of that everyday.
bec shit happens. nd yeaa.

well icalled the collect caller bec he said call wheneverr iwanted.
iwould think that would at least mean hes gona be home?
ehm..but icalled.
his friend answerd.
iask for the "collect caller" nd he says hes's "takin a piss" ehh.
weird. &all of a sudden tryda sell me drugs nd drug talk me.
im lik wtf is this nigga talkin bout.
idont do drugs nd ikno nothing about them.
strange..
so he talks nd talks than hangs up in a rush.
im lik eh okay.

wait and hr call backk.
no answer.
igo mimis.
than iget a call from the cc's [collect caller;s]
its his hb againn..
well the collect caller is at his bitches house he tells me.
so itry to hang up.
thann his homeboy tries to talk to me and ask me all the questions.
asks for my number.
isay sure.
hello im half asleeepp.
bye.

strange.
iwake up nd wonder ?

wat a strange strange boy.
but im over it..

thank God the hb didnt call me.
weirdass.

10:30

so idid it.
&& igot what iexpected.
not a damn thing.
ifeel a little dumb?
but than idont.
iwanna care less.
but icant.
damn.
thiss issnt good.
well theres still tmrw.and tha next day.
&& tha next..

but iwanted to talk today.
but ifelt as if iwasnt ready.
stuff happens for a reason.
luckily ? it happend the way it did.
hmm.

drake always makes things better.
jammin.
outt.

drizzzzzzy!

is comin to a town near mee :DDDDDDD
ahhhhh! so fuckin excited!
buyin tickets next week!
:]

icould care less to see wayne.

ehh. but jeezy ! cool. :]

lol ahhhh.

im sooo excited!

&& iwonderr..

so. the dude called mee. randomly?
hadn't talked to em in about a month.
&& he decides to call collect.
okay okay ikno at least he called right?
but damn still.. he coulda at least used 3 damn quarters for the pay fone!
so iwas freakin out that he was in jail nd stuffs,
but later found out no, he was juss being cheap.
sad. but imiss em?
eh. sad.
im watching degrassi.
once again.. :]
later.

thass it?

okayy so idecided to delete my myspace today.

dont kno whyy ijuss had the sudden urge!

so idid it. and it was weird. but also a bit of relief.

lik isaid dk why. but imade a new one.

lame ikno. but idint talk to half the people on the old one.

guess iwanted a change? eh somewhat.

but anyywhoo.. ive been watching degrassi all day long.

well really all week. but jimmy's such a cuteass.

well everyone knows em as drake now!

iwatched thiss showw since 7th gradee.

imember seein him lik thiss

to that. yeaa funny.

ialwayss thought he was a cuteass tho. lol

hiss musicc iss amazinggg.

gotta give ittt to him !

i'd never denyy him of that.

hah. but ohh yeaa.

ireally want theseeee!!

exclusive ass.